After some 50 hours in all three OpenDevs combined, I’ve gathered some thoughts. Loved the game so far. Apologies for the Great wall of text. I tried to be as concise as possible.

Balance

- Horde units are OP. No getting around it. The cost to spawn a new unit into the army needs to be higher. I would also disable food yields from killed units (cannibalism?) and limit it to ransacking and hunting. As for the ability to attack twice, either reduce the unit’s strength or only allow movement after one attack.
- Hanging gardens feels inferior to other ancient wonders. It’s just a slightly boosted artisans’ quarter?
- Some of the ideological axis felt imbalanced – production and science are way more useful than an equivalent amount of money or influence.
- The amount of curiosities in the Neolithic is so high it takes away from the joy of finding them. I think their respawn rates in particular need to be toned down.
- Overall the game feels very easy. AI is passive militarily and progresses quite slowly. Also, their cities seem to suck. They often spam useless, terribly placed districts and never have any population. Where do they lose their population when their armies are so small?

Cities

- Cities need at least a semi-hard cap on districts. In this iteration things just get out of hand. To add to the possible solutions, I suggest a soft cap based on eras, instead of population. (Population is just too easy to come by in the Neolithic, as you can come into the Ancient era with dozens of scout units ready to disband into your cities.) When the city is above the limit, a noticeable stability hit is applied so that stability gameplay stays relevant. The stability drop really needs to sting, but when it is clearly communicated through UI it becomes an interesting choice for the player. Currently you barely notice stability in the cities as it is too easy to maintain.
- Market quarters feel useless. I barely ever built them, yet still managed to hoard massive amounts of money. Maybe add more adjacency bonuses to them?
- Infrastructure felt too lightweight from gameplay standpoint. You can just spam them at a rather low cost without a worry. There’s very little decision-making process required to which infra you should build. I’d love a maintenance cost or something.
- It’d be handy to be able to queue up multiple ceremonies of the same type when there isn’t anything else to build
- Deconstructing districts would be a useful ability for city planning.

Visuals

- Allow rotation of camera – the amazing graphics deserve to be viewed from all angles.
- Placing multiple emblematic districts in a city starts looking too repetitive too fast. If adding different variations of emblematic districts is too much asked, at least allow to rotate them.
- Ability to rotate wonders would as well be much appreciated.
- When zoomed out, the political world map would be much more readable if each territory was filled with the colour of the respective empire instead of just grey interiors with coloured borders. Territories under occupation could be striped in the colours of the invader.
- I’d also love to be able to zoom out without the map shifting into the simplistic grey mode, and rather retain the natural landscape. Don’t know if this is possible performance-wise though.
- The pyramids’ golden top part sometimes has a shade on the wrong side: Left side of the pyramid would be in shade while the left side of the top is lit and vice versa. Applies to both Giza and the Egyptian quarter.
- I feel like the administrative centre styles of later eras don’t get enough visibility with most of the cities featuring ancient or classical buildings. A solution would be a city project that upgrades the administrative centre to that of the current culture.
- Not sure if status related, but there was an excessive smog effect on my city towards the end that I didn’t like. Maybe limit it to production quarters? I don’t want dust on my wonders.
- Ships seemed to lack any wake effect when moving on waters. Would be nice

UI

- Any chance for a minimap? I appreciate the length we can go to with zooming out, but it still doesn’t show the entire world at once.
- Information on the transport vessels is needed when embarking units! Player needs to know what kind of a vessel is embarked; what is its strength, and can it traverse deep waters?
- The ability to turn off the grey battle area is great! It would, however, be helpful if the outer borders of the area could still be toggled visible to know where they are.
- Also, when moving units outside of a battle, it is unclear where they cannot move due to a battle. Solution would be to highlight the borders constantly or when hovering over inaccessible area.
- Army panel’s unit icons are too big and get in the way of each other. Particularly troublesome when selecting individual units in an army bigger than 4.
- I love being able to turn off UI! Just add the ability to turn off borders as well and its perfect.
- The civics panel needs to be viewable simultaneously with events as I would want to see where I stand on the ideological axis when I’m making decisions. Currently you have switch between the two and try to remember which ideologies are in question.
- During the era change cutscene one moves their mouse out of the way to the edge of the screen. When the architecture change camera pan comes, the mouse on the edge of the screen throws the camera off. So prevent that somehow
- The actual deed could be highlighted somehow in the “World deed accomplished” notification, to more easily spot it among the text.
- “The era star achieved notification” should inform on which type of an era star was achieved.
- More icons are needed for different units. It’s very confusing when pikemen and scouts have the same icon and crossbowmen look like riflemen.
- The era star categories must not move around in the empire screen. Makes it ever more difficult to track what you’re supposed to achieve.
- When placing a wonder, the resulting FIMS yields should be displayed like when placing a district.
- In the cultures screen, when hovering over the affinity icon it wouldn’t display any tooltip on the abilities, which would be very useful.
- It is unclear what is the exact final sum of stability in a city.
- City info needs a number of all the territories it consists of. Couldn’t find one
- Other civs degrading treaties with me was not notified properly if at all.
- During battles it seemed hard to find out which independent people was attacking you. The name was properly hidden
- The competitive deeds list would benefit from grouping by type. Colour coding?
- The diplo screen should have a history of a civilization in the same fashion with the relation history. I want to know who they were prior to their current culture.
- Badges tooltips still unfinished? More info def. needed.
- A notification should be minimized in the bottom bar also when I press the spyglass instead of the “Acknowledge”.
- Income tooltip should specify which vassal a certain income is coming from.
- Atheism civic should more clearly explain what kind of changes it entails.
- It was a bit too unclear which wonders were holy sites.
- Sometimes when placing a district, it would not show which yields would be lost. I want to stress that it’s very important to get this working flawlessly to support an already confusing exploitation system.
- The diplo screen didn’t tell me how much of war desire do I exactly need to declare a war
- “Show unclaimed wonders” button is inaccurate as it also shows claimed wonders : )

Terrain

- While the natural wonders look amazing, I do miss the more unique benefits they give in that other game. In this state they felt bland.
- Will there be proper deserts of sand? Not just prairie or stone fields

Battles

- While I also commend this suggestion by u/BrunoCPaula, the biggest gripe I have with battles is the amount of movement – I’d reduce it to make each tile moved feel more important strategically. Currently there is too much running around. This can be achieved by reducing movement points across the board or increasing movement cost of difficult terrain. Regarding the latter, I observed that forests for example didn’t slow units down despite the movement cost of 2. I would increase it to 3 really. For example, rocky fields and arctic tiles could use an increase in cost too. Also, enemy units should limit movement by their adjacency in Zone of control fashion.
- I also feel most ranged units have too much range.
- When in battle, accidentally clicking on a mountain tile closed the battle view. Quite annoying
- It’s too easy to forget autosolving of battles on and suffer of the consequences. Give an option to autosolve once or to leave it on.
- Units’ lines of sights feel unintuitive sometimes. To better educate players in their logic, highlight the tile that’s blocking the LOS when hovering over a target unit.
- Battles automatically suck in all the surrounding units. Sometimes I wanted to exclude a unit from joining a battle
- Then again, sometimes I had trouble with some reinforcements not joining a battle. This seemed to happen particularly in sieges.
- Cavalry charge ability didn’t seem to work?
- In the beginning it felt a bit unclear when the enemy skipped their turn. Got used to it, but new players would benefit from clarity.
- Disabling any optimized, automated placement of units in the beginning of deployment phase would more actively force the player to look for the best tiles to deploy on. Currently a bit too much handholding.

Miscellaneous

- Units need a true sleep button from which they never wake up. Sentries wake up to every neutral unit.
- I’d love to see culturally appropriate hats on the avatars. Don’t know if it’s difficult to implement
- Diplomatic decisions could affect the negotiators’ ideological axis. For example, scientific agreement takes you toward progress, refusing to cooperate toward homeland, and cooperation toward world.
- The auto-explore mechanic disregards deep seas causing surprising deaths by drowning.
- A bug occurred during some late game sieges, when the siege control panel didn’t show at all, not letting me abandon, assault or maintain the siege. Just stuck for the rest of the game.
- Manually moving an auto-exploring unit should disable the auto-explore.
- When detaching a unit from an army it’d be more fluent if the selection followed into the detached unit instead of remaining in the source army. Too many times I detached a unit and then accidentally moved the bigger army.

Points of confusion

- Didn’t seem able to negotiate open borders with a civ that’s a vassal under another civ. Not even by talking to their liege.
- How do I place a luxury manufactory in a later era when all the deposits already have an artisans’ quarter?
- When choosing a culture, the text “Unlocks action Buyout on Empire” seemed pointless. Isn’t it always unlocked anyway?
- Barbican seemed pretty useless. Not even the city watch infrastructure carries over to it?
- I seemed to get the defending bonus while attacking in a battle I initiated.
- I found it weird that I was rewarded for declaring a surprise war with a badge that’s beneficial to me.

Source: https://www.bungie.net/en/News/Article/47677

Tower

• The Tower Annex Landing Zone is now available to all players
• The Drifter has relocated to the Annex in the Tower

Clans

• Daily clan bounties have been removed
• Once again, clan XP in Season 6 can be earned simply by completing activities
• Clan weekly bounties have been renamed to "Hawthorne's Bounties" to differentiate them from the raid challenges that are also in Hawthorne's inventory
• These Hawthorne Bounties are organized into 3 fixed categories: PvE, PvP, and raid
• Raid challenge bounties will continue to be available on Hawthorne for the Last Wish and Scourge of the Past raids
• Some new clan perks have been added for Season 6, and some old clan perks have returned
  
  • Level 2 Perk: Increased public event rewards
  • Level 3 Perk: Completing a weekly Hawthorne bounty awards mod components
  • Level 4 Perk: Completing a clan vendor challenge awards enhancement cores
  • Level 5 Perk: Increases the drop rate of Crucible and strike catalysts when playing with clanmates
  • Level 6 Perk: Unlocks an additional weekly bounty for Hawthorne

Sandbox

Weapons

• Shotguns
  
  • Full Auto Trigger System rate-of-fire bonus reduced from 100% to 10%
  • Full Auto Trigger System no longer increases Shotgun pellet spread
  • All Shotguns received a damage multiplier in PvE, effectively doubling their damage (with the exception of Legend of Acrius)
  • Reserve ammunition for Shotguns has been reevaluated to compensate for the increased damage
  • Reduced base damage for Shotguns across the board to align with their new rates of fire on a per sub-archetype basis
  • Rate-of-fire values have been tuned
    • Aggressive Frame is now 55 RPM, up from 45 RPM
    • Precision Frame is now 65 RPM, up from 55 RPM
    • Lightweight Frame remains 80 RPM (tooltip erroneously stated 90 RPM previously)
    • Rapid-Fire Frame is 140 RPM (including intrinsic full auto), down from 200 RPM (they were previously 100 RPM, but due to the intrinsic full auto, actually had 200 RPM)
    • The Chaperone is now 70 RPM, up from 60 RPM
    • Tractor Cannon is 80 RPM (tooltip erroneously stated 84 RPM previously)
    • Legend of Acrius is now 55 RPM, up from 45 RPM
• Submachine Guns
  
  • Base damage increased slightly
  • Precision damage decreased slightly
• Machine Guns
  
  • Reduced the ammo bonus of Machine Gun Reserves perk by half
  • Damage reduced against boss and miniboss combatants by 21%
• Trace Rifles
  
  • PvE damage increased by 30%
• Grenade Launchers
  
  • PvE damage increased by 25%
  • Reserve ammo increased on most Grenade Launchers
  • In most cases, Grenade Launchers gained three rounds in reserves, but this amount may vary based on the perks you have (Field Prep, etc.)
  • KNOWN ISSUE: Starting ammo in PvE was reduced, this will be fixed in a future patch
  • Magazine perks and mods no longer affect ammo reserves
  • The Quick Access Sling mod can now be applied to any archetype; this change also allows it to be applied to the Mountaintop
    • NOTE: This change also fixes the Militia's Birthright being able to slot the Backup Mag mod; this mod did not actually increase the magazine size on this weapon and was not intended to be applied to breech loaded Grenade Launchers
• Rocket Launchers
  
  • PvE damage increased by 60–65%
  • Cluster Bomb
    • Damage reduced by 80%
    • This lost damage was moved to the Rocket Launcher's main projectile
• Linear Fusion Rifles
  
  • PvE damage increased by 10% (does not affect Sleeper Simulant)
  • Reduced aim assist
  • Removed aim assist bonus from Combat Sights scope
  • Fixed an issue where Queenbreaker had double the amount of aim assist
• Two-Tailed Fox
  
  • PvE damage increased by 26%
• One Thousand Voices
  
  • PvE damage increased by 25%
• Wardcliff Coil
  
  • PvE damage increased by 115% against boss combatants and scaling up to 160% against weaker combatants
• Black Talon
  
  • PvE projectile damage increased by 15%
• Sleeper Simulant
  
  • Reduced ammo reserves (from max 13 to max 9 without armor perks or Masterwork)
• Whisper of the Worm
  
  • Reduced ammo reserves (from max 20 to max 9 without armor perks)
• Tyranny of Heaven
  
  • The Tyranny of Heaven Bow can now drop with randomized perks

General Weapon and Perk Fixes

• Trinity Ghoul
  
  • Fixed an issue where Trinity Ghoul's Lightning Rod perk sometimes did not activate on precision kill
  • Fixed an issue where the Arc effects from the Split Electron perk on Trinity Ghoul could be seen floating in third person
• Improved the resolution for the decals on Two-Tailed Fox's Cuddly Throwback ornament when seen in third person
  
• Fixed an issue where the Last Word's Laconic ornament did not display properly in third person
  
• Cleaned up the animation of rounds cycling in the magazine for the Dreaded Venture's Over and Done With ornament
  
• Rapid Hit
  
  • Fixed an issue where Rapid Hit would activate twice on a Sniper Rifle precision kill
  • Fixed an issue where the timer for Rapid Hit x5 would not extend after another precision hit
• Swords
  
  • Fixed an issue where Whirlwind Blade could not reach 5 stacks with certain perk combinations
  • Fixed an issue where Sword impact Masterwork damage was the same at tier 7 and tier 8
  • Fixed an issue where certain perk, mod, and Masterwork combinations would cause Sword perks to not function on Stryker's Sure-Hand
• Bows
  
  • Fixed an issue where Le Monarque would not always apply poison at longer distances
  • Le Monarque is now correctly on the Energy tab in the Collections screen
  • High Tension String perk description updated to correctly reflect that it "greatly increases accuracy"
• Jotunn's Charge Shot perk description updated with instructions for what to hold to charge up the shot
  
• Fixed an issue where Dragonfly Spec was not functioning correctly under certain latency conditions
  
• Fixed an issue impacting Izanagi's Burden scope where FX from abilities or invading in Gambit would block visibility while aiming
  
• The Long Shadow
  
  • Fixed an issue where the ATD Raptor scope did not highlight enemies
  • This fix caused another issue where the ATB Long Range scope will highlight enemies as well; this will be fixed in a future update
• Fixed an issue where the random perk warning was not displayed on the tooltips for the random roll versions of Crimil's Dagger and the Hero's Burden
  
• Memento Mori
  
  • Fixed an issue where the Ace of Spades perk Memento Mori did not refresh when using the Hunter's Marksman Dodge ability
  • Fixed an issue where Memento Mori was cancelled prematurely if the player sprinted
  • Note: These fixes make it so that reloading Ace of Spades no longer wipes Memento Mori on reload, but you can still refresh Memento Mori when reloading after a kill
• Breech-load Grenade Launchers now have their own icon in the kill feed and obituary to differentiate them from drum Grenade Launchers
  
• Trench Barrel will now activate on close range Ball Lightning attacks that cause the biped to lunge
  

Abilities

• Titan
  
  • Reduced Titan's max speed that can be achieved via use of macros on PC (aka reduced the effectiveness of "Titan Skate")
  • Tuned the amount of Super gained from Code of the Juggernaut so the Super could not be used indefinitely
  • This now has diminishing returns (100% -> 30% energy back over the course of 15 kills)
• Warlock
  
  • Fixed an issue where the Handheld Supernova did not properly render while invading in Gambit

Armor

• Year 2 armor will now drop with a random stat package
  
  • Heavy
  • Restorative
  • Mobile
• One-Eyed Mask
  
  • Mark duration reduced from 15 seconds to 8 seconds
  • Health no longer restores automatically, but restores alongside overshield
  • Can no longer be triggered while in Super
• Khepri's Horn
  
  • Increased class energy gain from Solar damage kills from 10% to 15% and reduced the cooldown from 2 to 1 second
  • Solar blast groundfollow now returns a second groundfollow back toward the player
  • Damage from groundfollow increased from 80 to 100
  • Damage from groundfollow is doubled in PvE
• Vesper of Radius
  
  • Damage increased from 70 to 100
  • Damage is tripled in PvE
• Sealed Ahamkara's Grasp
  
  • Now procs from smoke bomb damage
• Ursa Furiosa
  
  • No longer counts self-damage to Void shield when calculating how much Super energy to give back
• Anteaus Wards
  
  • Fixed an issue where improved slide was not consistently applying with Anteaus Wards

Accessories Fixes

• Cloth will now correctly interact with "chopper" Sparrows (examples: Gray Hornet, Warrior's Steed)
• Fixed an issue with Burnout Sparrow that would cause the Guardian's hands to not always grip the handlebars
• A shader from the Curse of Osiris expansion formerly named "Metallic Sunrise" has been renamed to "Mercurian Sunrise." This was to resolve a duplicate name issue with a Forsaken shader, the name of which remains "Metallic Sunrise"
• Fixed lens flare effects on several ship engines

Rewards

General

• Power cap raised to 700
• Powerful bounties may give only a maximum possible Power reward from the season in which they were acquired
  
  • Powerful bounties completed in Season of the Forge may only reach a maximum Power reward of 650
  • Iron Banner bounties from Season of the Forge have expired and been replaced
• Ethereal Keys from the Last Wish raid now have a maximum stack size of 5
  
  • All keys above the stack limit of 5 have been removed

Destinations

• Destination vendors no longer display a waypoint when holding enough materials for a reputation package
• This was done as players now use destination materials for infusion

Crucible

• Updated Valor and Glory emblems to track only the current season's rank accomplishments
• Previous seasons accomplishments have been added as Triumphs; all seasonal rank accomplishments will be tracked as Triumphs from here on

Vendors

• Shaxx
  
  • Reprise seeded roll weapon for players to earn via Valor rank
  • Players who acquired the original version will be able to earn this weapon with random rolls from engram decryption without earning the Valor rank.
  • New emblem for players to earn from Triumph Completion
  • Reprise shader for players to earn from Triumph Completion
  • Players who earned the original will not need to re-earn this shader
  • New pinnacle weapon quest
  • Features Triumph completion step similar to Season 5's the Mountaintop quest
• Drifter
  
  • New seeded roll weapon for players to earn via Infamy rank
  • New emblem for players to earn from Triumph Completion
  • New pinnacle weapon quest
  • Features Triumph completion step similar to Season 5's the Mountaintop quest
• Zavala
  
  • Reprise seeded roll weapon for players to earn from Triumph Completion
  • Players who acquired the original version will be able to earn this weapon with random rolls from engram decryption without completing the Triumph
  • New emblem for players to earn from Triumph Completion
  • Reprise shader for players to earn from Triumph Completion
  • Players who earned the original will not need to re-earn this shader
  • New pinnacle weapon quest
  • Features Triumph completion step similar to Season 5's the Mountaintop quest
• Xûr
  
  • Has the possibility of selling Forsaken Exotics
  • Fated Engram does not have a chance for Forsaken Exotics; will be updated in a future patch

Black Armory

• Lore items "The Black Armory Papers" are now guaranteed to drop upon successful completion of the Gofannon and Bergusia Forges
• Fixed an issue where Black Armory Obsidian Accelerator items were not showing up at the postmaster if player inventory was full
• Fixed an issue where Black Armory Obsidian Accelerator items were not stacking in player's inventory; max stack size is 5
• Fixed an issue where the Black Armory Key Mold quest was account bound, allowing only a single character to acquire it from Ada-1
• Fixed an issue where Dreaming City chests were not providing Glimmering Amethyst for the Black Armory Key Mold quest
• Fixed a bug where Spider would present an empty Lock and Key dialogue to players who've already completed it and obtained Izanagi's Burden
• Fixed an issue where the Black Armory Bow "The Spiteful Fang" was not awarding Black Armory Schematics when dismantled
• Fixed an issue where Black Armory Rare weapon research frames were not counting toward Master Smith Triumph progression
• Fixed an issue where the Black Armory Devotee bounty was not progressing when using reforged Black Armory weapons

Challenges

• Fixed an issue where some daily challenges did not properly stagger, which resulted in players sometimes not having a fresh daily challenge at reset

Character Boosts

• Fixed an issue where boosted characters were not getting their class-specific Swords correctly unlocked and available to pull from their Collection
• Fixed an issue where boosted characters were not getting their class-specific emblems correctly unlocked and available to pull from their Collection

General

• Fixed a bug where some players were in a bad state and blocked from obtaining Seeds of Light
• Fixed a bug where player bipeds in the Tower would appear to stop loading gear ("Tron effect") if too many players had their Ghosts out
• Fixed an issue where pulling shaders from the Collection took longer than intended; shaders will now take 1 second to reacquire
• Updated the Sturm “Relics of the Golden Age” quest step; Exotic engrams that auto-decrypt now count toward this quest step

Collections / Triumphs

• Fixed an issue where players who completed the Season 4 "Forged in Fire" badge collection were not getting the associated Triumph "Forged in Fire" unlocked
• Fixed an issue where players who acquired the "Cold Wind Blowin'" Emblem from the Drifter during Season 4 couldn't reacquire the emblem from their Collection
• Fixed an issue where "The Eternal Return" emblem wasn't tracking Shattered Throne completions
• Fixed an issue with the requirements of the "Relic Rumble" Triumph Nightfall challenge to repair broken functionality
• The new requirement is: "Complete Nightfall strike 'The Corrupted' by defeating Sedia using no more than two Relics."
• Fixed an issue where the Dreaming City Triumph "Mint Condition" was not correctly unlocking for completing the Rift Generator public event with the relic never having dropped below 100%
• Fixed an issue where the Exotic Ghost Star Map shell was not tracking chests in the Dreaming City
• Fixed an issue where the "Senior Recruiter" Refer-a-Friend emblem was not correctly updating the number of referral completions
• Fixed an issue where the Collection Badge counter was incorrectly listing the total number of badges available

Activities

Gambit

• Activities hosted by the Drifter have been moved to their own sub-page on the Director called "Gambit"
• Added Gambit Private matches for all Forsaken owners
  
  • Expect Gambit Prime Private matches on April 2, 2019
• Overhauled how invader spawn points are chosen while also significantly increasing the number of invader spawn points for each map
  
  • Chances of spawning very near or in direct line of sight of an enemy Guardian has been greatly reduced
• Changed the third round of Gambit to a Primeval rush sudden death; this will speed up Gambit matches overall and add a change of pace to the final round
  
  • The Primeval is immediately summoned
  • Player Supers/grenades/ability/melee are immediately filled, so both teams are on an even playing field
  • Supegrenade/ability/melee regen are increased for the remainder of the round
• The Ascendant Primeval Servitor's (meatball) spawn rate is no longer tied to the curse cycle and has been greatly increased
  
• Idle Protection: Players who remain dormant for too long will not receive end-of-match rewards or Infamy points
  
• Made adjustments to Blocker types by deposit tier
  
  • Small Blocker = Taken Goblin with less health than the previous Phalanx
  • Medium Blocker = Taken Captain with more health than the previous Knight
  • Large Blocker = Taken Knight with more health than the previous Ogre

Gambit Matchmaking

• Teams are now always broken up when re-entering the matchmaking pool after a match
• Previously, when a match ended, players who did not return to orbit would be sent back to the matchmaking pool together; this is no longer the case
• This will greatly reduce the likelihood of re-matching against the same players and will give matchmaking an opportunity to find the best possible match

Infamy

• Players can now earn Infamy points by completing Gambit Prime matches and bounties
• Increased the Infamy point rewards for Gambit matches by 25 points

Gambit HUD

• The HUD status bars now animate when returning from aim-down-sights
• The Invader Portal Ready icon and animation on the status bar has been updated to be more pronounced and understandable at a glance

Triumphs and Medals

• “Light vs. Light” can now be progressed by killing any Guardian (not just invaders) using a Super; this makes attaining Dredgen a less daunting task
• The "First to Block" medal can now trigger once per round, previously it could fire only once per match

General Fixes

• Fixed an issue where post-invasion kills during Primeval phase weren't giving the invader credit for healing the Primeval
• Fixed an issue where VO lines indicating the high-value target was killed and that the high-value target got away will both play if the player kills the HVT just before it is removed from the arena
• Fixed an issue where players would get the "Half Banked" medal every time they deposit Motes after they reached 38 Motes deposited
• Fixed an issue where the "Taking Turns" medal fires when 3 different players invade instead of 4
• Fixed an issue where a graphical error could be seen on a waterfall in Legion's Folly
• Fixed an issue where occasionally Drifter would tell players back-to-back that the other team has summoned their Primeval
• Fixed an issue where, in a longer match after killing the Primeval, the Drifter reminded us that we needed to spawn our Primeval to win
• Fixed an issue where the bounty "Block and Key" did not increment when a Large Blocker was sent that would summon the Primeval
• Updated security policy and functionality so players who have been banned from competitive activities cannot access Gambit playlist

Crucible

• Fixed an issue where healing during Crucible matches was taking away from a player's overall damage on the PGCR screen

Last Wish

• Smashed an issue where players would encounter frequent guitar errors

Eververse

Bright Engram

• The season 5 Etched Bright Engram has been retired; in its place players can now obtain the new season 6 Notorious Bright Engram

Prismatic Matrix

• The Prismatic Matrix has been retired; additional information may be found in This Week at Bungie—2/28/2019

UI/UX

General

• Added a popup dialogue when opening bundles if you have a full inventory, noting that items will go to the postmaster if you proceed through the dialogue
• Fixed an issue where Masterwork objective progress bars could display 100% when not yet completed
• Fixed an issue where Legendary Masterwork items were not displayed as Masterworked when inspecting other players
• Fixed an issue where Masterwork UI did not scale to fill ultra-wide monitors
• Fixed an issue where the progress bar under Triumphs could sometimes show as complete when the Triumph was still in progress
• Fixed an issue where transferring items using the Destiny app would consistently re-trigger Triumph notifications

Mario Lemieux, was a rare breed of player. One of the legendary players from the 90’s, who went from being in a role similar to that of McDavid, in that his team wasn’t that good, in fact the Penguins had missed the playoffs four out of five seasons with Mario. By all accounts, they had "wasted" the first few years of Lemieux(and Crosby), with their lack of success. But this is getting ahead of myself, some background is needed.

Who are the Penguins exactly?

Well that’s easy, the Penguins were part of the NHL’s first expansion, which awarded teams to, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, St Louis, Oakland, LA and Minneapolis. The Penguins weren’t the first team in Pittsburgh, the NHL’s Pittsburgh Pirates(before the mediocre MLB team) used to play there until they moved to Philadelphia for a season to become the Quakers, they folded soon after in 1931, leaving Pittsburgh and all of Pennsylvania, without NHL hockey until '67. The Penguins were never that good, in fact they were usually overshadowed by their more successful cross-state rivals, Flyers.
The Penguins were never that good, in fact they never made it out the second round, usually falling fast to their opponents. They were pretty mediocre, but it was worse behind the scenes, much worse in fact. In 1975, creditors demanded the team pay off their debt, which forced the team into bankruptcy(a running theme, but more on that later). Doors to the offices were padlocked, with nobody knowing if they were staying, relocating or just outright folding. Rumors had it the Penguins and Golden Seals, would relocate to Seattle and Denver, throwing more fuel onto the fire. Thanks to the efforts of a group that included former North Stars coach Wren Blair, they managed to survive, eventually being bought by shopping mall magnate Edward DeBartolo Jr. I can’t really find much information on DeBartolo, so I don’t know if he was good for the Pens or not, besides obviously buying them and in effect keeping them in Pittsburgh.
The 70’s for the NHL was chaotic, they introduced more teams, some of them merged with others(Barons / North Stars), some of them relocated, only a few of these new teams stayed. It was a volatile time for the sport, sure they’d expanded, but maybe they expanded too fast, or at the least to the wrong places. Aside from bankruptcy it got worse for the Pens as Michel Briere had gotten into a car crash in his native Quebec, in 75, leading to him being in a coma for a year, before finally passing away at the age of 21. The Penguins took his #21 out of circulation, eventually retiring it in 2001, only days after owner Mario Lemieux came out of retirement to play again. His number was only the second one retire in Penguins history, the first? Lemieux, obviously.

The Lemieux era:

Entering the 80s, the Penguins were held the worst record for two seasons in a row(82-83, 83-84) leading them to draft the absolute legend, Mario Lemieux in ‘84. The Penguins were once again, suffering from financial issues, they were so bad that had they not drafted Lemieux, they would have probably folded and this not me speculating either, this came from Coach Lou Angotti. Lemieux was so valued that other teams offered just about anything for the 1st overall Pick, that would become Lemieux. Lemieux was an incredible player in the QMJHL, with his final season scoring 133 Goals, 149 Assists, combining for over 282 Points It was scary how incredible he was, from the moment he entered the Q, to his first shift, of his first game, where he scored his first goal against Bruins goaltender Pete Peeters. Lemieux went onto win the Calder(With 100 Points despite missing seven games) and play in the All-Star Game, being the first rookie to be named MVP. So not only was Mario legit, he was already incredible. Unfortunately, Mario couldn’t carry the Penguins to playoffs by himself, as they went onto miss the playoffs for four of Lemieux’s first five seasons. They had one winning season in this time, essentially wasting the first few years of Lemieux, because they couldn’t build much around him. Their one playoff season ended with them falling to the Flyers in the 2nd round, in 7 games, but Lemieux had once again shown he was playing on a different level, as he scored five goals in Game Five.
To even draft Lemieux, the Pens tanked as much as they could, getting rid of anyone good, so that they would finish in last. It was so bad, that the Devils complained to the NHL, who just shrugged it off. The Pens eventually managed to get a good supporting cast for Lemieux, trading for Paul Coffey in ‘87, after the Oilers won the cup. Kevin Stevens, Rob Brown and John Cullen, were brought in from the IHL, to help give the Pens some depth as well, which somewhat helped? It didn’t matter, these moves got them to the playoffs in ‘89, but they missed the season after, but it however led to be able to draft the best damn Czech to ever play in the NHL.

• Lemieux's first impression with Pens fans wasn't...good to say the least. Due to contract negotiations, he didn't shake GM Eddie Johnson's hand, nor don the Penguins jersey as is tradition. Saying Pittsburgh didn't want him bad enough.

Enter Jaromir Jagr:

The Czech Legend himself, the man with the gorgeous mullet, Jaromir Jagr. He was the first Czech player to be drafted in the NHL, without first having to defect to the West. Now that the Iron Curtain was falling, it was easier for european players to come to the NHL, since the Soviet Union was imploding. Jagr was pretty good playing for Poldi SONP Kladno(The same Kladno he now owns and plays for) and finally got his chance to play in the NHL, for the Penguins. He was a perfect compliment to Lemieux's skills, effectively giving the Penguins an incredible one-two punch.
Jagr had come to the West at a great time, the Penguins had gotten him with the Fifth Overall Pick and he quickly made a name for himself with the Pens, being the youngest player(20) to score a goal in the cup finals. But getting Jagr wasn’t the biggest thing that the Pens could do to cement going for it:

The Trade:

The Pittsburgh Penguins trade to the Hartford Whalers, Jeff Parker, Zarley Zalapski, and John Cullen, in exchange for Ron Francis, Ulf Samuelsson(*) and Grant Jennings. This trade happened in big part because the Whalers were falling apart at the seams, ownership was meddling with everything, the coach didn’t like Francis(even stripping him of his C) and they failed to come to terms on a new contract. Francis made an immediate impact with the Penguins, getting 11 points with his new team, on their way to their first Stanley Cup Final. This was it, it was uncharted territory for the Penguins who had never gotten this far before. The Penguins faced fellow expansion team, the Minnesota North Stars, taking them to 6 games, winning it all at the Met Center, with Lemieux scoring some beautiful goals during this series. Especially this one.
The following season was even greater for the Penguins, as they marched back to the finals, sweeping Chicago to win their 2nd Stanley Cup, with even more beautiful goals. That proved to be it for the Penguins though as they never got back to the cup finals, but it didn’t matter, they had won back to back cups, a feat not many teams could say they did. 92-93, was...to say the least, rough for Pens fans. On January 12, 1993, Mario Lemieux made a shocking announcement. He had announced he was dealing with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and would have to miss time, so that he could get treated. It was a dark time for Lemieux, for the Penguins, hell for Hockey Fans in general, one of the greatest players this generation had seen, may have to retire due to disease. He underwent months of aggressive radiation treatment, returning to the ice literally hours after his final treatment, in Philadelphia to play against the Flyers. In a shocking turn of events, the Philly Crowd didn’t boo Mario, in fact they gave a standing ovation for his return to the ice, showing that yeah, Philly fans are rude, but they’ll cheer a guy returning from cancer, even if he is playing for the Pens.
To quote Rocky Bonanno of NHL.com(in 2007) “Lemieux took on all opponents, even cancer, and won”. He scored a goal and an assist in his first game back, with the Pens falling 4-5 to the Flyers. Nonetheless, with their Captain back, the Pens improved, losing their next game, but winning their next 17 games, finishing the season with a 56-21-7 record, thanks in huge part to Mario returning. They ran over the Devils in the playoffs, falling to the Islanders in the next round. This proved to be a running trend from here on in, reaching the conference finals only twice, but no Cup Finals.

The Retirement of Mario.

1997 became incredibly rough for the Penguins as Mario Lemieux had a shocking announcement: He was retiring, due to health issues and concerns over the officiating(even in the 90’s the Refs weren’t good!). Lemieux was so well respected throughout the hockey world that the Hockey Hall of Fame immediately waived the three-year waiting period for him. Inducting him immediately, they did the same thing just two years later for Gretzky, because why wouldn't you? The Penguins didn't suffer too much, they lost some firepower, sure, but they still made the playoffs, finishing 1st in the Northeast Division in '98, but they got knocked out early by Montreal, this was followed by being knocked out by Toronto, but they knocked out Washington the following year, so they had that going for them.

Mario becomes the new owner.

The Penguins once again faced bankruptcy in 2000(see? Running theme), due to then-owners Howard Baldwin and Morris Belzberg giving out insane contracts to players after the cup runs. Baldwin and Belzberg bought the team after the ‘91 Cup and couldn’t afford to keep the team after everything. They’d asked players to defer their salaries so they could pay the bills, it didn’t help since once the deferred salaries came out, it forced them to file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. In comes “Super Mario” himself, with an unusual idea. He had been good about his money and proposed to buy the team outright. The Penguins owed him $32.5 million in deferred salary, making him the team’s biggest individual creditor. From there he proposed converting this credit to equity, to buy the Penguins. In effect he would become the majority owner, along with supermarket tycoon Ronald Burkle( Fred Meyer, Food 4 Less, Ralphs, Pathmark and Dominick’s). The Courts and the NHL agreed to allow him to buy the team, making Mario Lemieux the new owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Had this not happened, the plan was seemingly to move them to Portland Oregon, or outright folding.

Owner and Player.

The Pens in the new millennium weren’t good, they had decent attendance(14K Range), which was about what it was Pre-Lemieux. However on December 8th, 2000, Lemieux had another shocking announcement(he’s full of ‘em), he was returning to the NHL, to play for the Penguins once again, making him the only player-owner in NHL History, player-coaches were a thing at times in the Original Six era, but players didn’t have the means to own a team and play at the same time. Lemieux had taken this mediocre team and pushed them to the playoffs, getting to a Conference Final, falling to the Devils in Five. Needless to say, that was it for any hopes or dreams of playoffs, as they began a drought that lasted until 2007.
To save money, the Penguins traded Jaromir Jagr to the Capitals, in exchange for three mediocre prospects, who never really panned out. Beech played the most games with the Penguins out of the three, but he only played one full season with them, mostly playing in WBS. Even worse, the Penguins missed the playoffs for the first time in 12 years, finishing in a tie for third-to-last in the East. Due to continued financial difficulties, they later traded goaltender Alexei Kovalev back to the Rangers, with goaltending prospect Vince Hermany being released due to injury in College. Things looked bleak, the Pens used this time to rebuild through the draft, but it’s tough when they couldn’t afford to pay players. The only bright spots of these few years was drafting goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury, in the ‘03 Draft. The following season due to hip injury, Lemieux had missed all but 24 games, attendance had gotten dire at this point, becoming the lowest in the league at 11,877. They did everything they could do to tank, trading Martin Straka to the Kings and hiring Eddie Olczyk as their new head coach, even keeping Fleury out of the lineup for most of the season. Fleury had started with the Pens, eventually being loaned to Team Canada for World Juniors and eventually being loaned to Cape Breton of the QMJHL, due to his mediocre performance(thanks to the bad defense) and probably due to them wanting to save money, so he wouldn’t hit his bonuses that season. This led to them missing out on the Ovechkin Sweepstakes, instead getting 2nd overall, instead landing Russian Center Evgeni Malkin.

The Craziness That Was, Getting Malkin to Pittsburgh:

In his post-draft year, Malkin had been playing with Metallurg Magnitogorsk, of the Russian Superleague(now KHL) and had quickly made a name for himself as one of the league’s best talents, while still being in his teens. Upon completion of the 05-06 season, Malkin had informed Metallurg he wanted out of his contract and intended to go to the NHL to play for Pittsburgh(they had just drafted Crosby after all). His contract had a transfer clause in it(probably not too uncommon) allowing him to leave after a season to play in the NHL. He was originally signed until 2008, but Metallurg didn’t want him to leave as they wouldn’t be financially compensated for it. Things get...stranger as in the dead of night, August 7th, Malkin signed a new one-year contract extension with Metallurg, keeping him there until at least 2009, but also removing his transfer clause until he was a Free Agent. I have no idea if the Free Agency rules were similar to the NHL or not, no information exists seemingly. The KHL rules seem to have 28 as the magic age, when you’re able to become a free agent, so it may have been similar.
Why’d he sign it? Well according to Malkin, Metallurg pressured him into signing, eventually seizing his passport after he’d signed(they later gave it back), to ensure he couldn’t just run to Pittsburgh. Because they didn’t want to lose their star player, no matter what. In response, Malkin’s agents searched Russian laws for any loophole that would allow him to leave Russia, to play for Pittsburgh, eventually finding one in the Russian Labor Code. Turns out, article 80 allowed him to submit a two weeks notice and then he could resign. As soon as that was done, his agents started the visa process, leaving Russia only 2 hours after receiving his visa. He immediately fled to the US, giving Metallurg his two-weeks notice once he was safe in Pittsburgh, signing an entry-level contract two-weeks later.
This wasn’t it though. The Russian Ice Hockey Federation and Superleague accused the NHL and Penguins of committing an act of “Sports Terrorism” by “Stealing Malkin from Russia”. This went from just exchanging words, to legal action. Metallurg along with Lokomotiv Yaroslavl(they were involved in a separate player transfer dispute), filed suit against the Pittsburgh Penguins, Calgary Flames and the Edmonton Oilers, over Alexei Mikhnov(Oilers, played for Lokomotiv), Andrei Taratukhin(Flames, played for Metallurg) and Evgeni Malkin(Penguins, played for Metallurg) and their “theft” of these contracted players. This had happened before, after Dynamo Moscow sued in the US District Court in DC, to stop Ovechkin from playing with the Capitals, due to him also being under contract.The Dynamo suit wasn’t a success and was thrown out.
The Metallurg suit, alleged the Penguins “interfered with Malkin’s contract”. Metallurg tried proving that because Malkin was the Top Scorer in the Superleague for Five Seasons, that, that was a unique skill, meaning that he was not easily replaced. Metallurg had argued their contract was valid and that the Penguins one should be cancelled, but the case was dismissed as the judge ruled that Metallurg at best had grounds for financial compensation(Transfer Fee), but not much else. Before all this, the Russian Ice Hockey Federation proposed “fixing” article 80, to not allow this, but it never got off the ground.

• I got most of the information these sources. I seriously recommend reading over the 2nd one for a good grasp on all this.

Why the hell did any of this happen?

That’s easy, there was no transfer agreement between the Super League and NHL, meaning the Superleague wouldn’t get money for any players who went to the NHL. The last time one was proposed, it was shot down. As far as I know there still isn’t one, it keeps getting proposed, but never agreed upon. The money in the KHL is ok nowadays, depending on who you play for and I don’t know if they still withhold passports or not, but these don't happen anymore.

The Sidney Crosby Draft and was it Rigged?

There is a lot of controversy surrounding the Crosby draft. The Penguins were falling apart and allegedly close to relocating, with the balls “supposedly” being spun(behind closed doors), with them getting the Penguins numbers. To preface this: The 2005 NHL Draft was much smaller, the league had just returned from a lockout and only the Top 20 picks were invited, along with it being private. Teams were assigned balls based on: Playoff Appearances and 1st Overall Draft Picks, from the past three seasons. Pittsburgh was at all time record low attendance, failing financially and an owner who was looking to sell. Lemieux had never planned to be the permanent owner of the Penguins, by 2004 he was looking for an owner who would keep the team in Pittsburgh and build them an arena, because he didn’t have the money to keep them going. The 2004 Lockout looked like it could spell the end of the Penguins, they were losing money as is, a whole season without money being made was bad news for the struggling franchise. Allegedly they were looking to move to Kansas City, but it was more of a typical owner move of "we need a new building or we'll leave town!"
The theory is as follows: The NHL Rigged the ‘05 Draft, so that Crosby would go to the Penguins and save them from relocating. There are many holes in this theory to me, primarily a big one: This is the NHL, they just got scammed by Spano a few years prior and they had let Hartford relocate to North Carolina, without any sort of plan, hell they let AOL/Time Warner get a franchise and run them into the ground. Why save the Penguins? Why not give Crosby to Montreal? Or one of their new expansion franchises? Sure the Penguins had Mario Lemieux who was the GOAT, but wouldn’t one of their new expansion franchises be better suited to have one of the greatest players of this generation? That instantly brings attention to the new franchise you created(*) and gives the NHL more money in new markets. I think the theory just stems from people being mad that the Pens had Mario(who at this point was not the same player he was, just a few seasons ago) and would be getting Crosby too. Nevermind the fact that Ernst & Young are on hand to be sure everything is on the up and up, if this were rigged, it could hurt their reputation since they're on hand as witnesses to the NBA's Draft Lottery, to again, make sure everything is on the up and up.

• Granted at the sametime, these expansion teams were poorly run and had some bad coaches, but if they were given Crosby, they would suddenly become a Free Agent destination, provided they don't completely ruin him.

05-06 Aka The Start of Something Different.

05-06 was a return to normalcy for the league, which had spent the last season locked out, due to the Owners and Players Association, being unable to come to an agreement over the Collective Bargaining Agreement, the new season introduced some new rules and a Salary Cap. As for the Penguins, Lemieux had quickly taken the young Crosby under his wing, quite literally as they played on the same line. Lemieux had also given Crosby a place to live, for his rookie season. It however became clear that it was time for ‘Super Mario’ to retire for real this time(we swear!), after only 26 games due to an irregular heartbeat. Mario coming back was what helped keep butts in seats, during the brief dark years for the Penguins. Sure he owned the team, but he still loved the game and wanted to do whatever it took to make sure the Penguins could survive. He never got much of a chance to play with Crosby, but he was able to mentor a great player, so it’s not all bad. Not long after the retirement, the Penguins fired Eddie Olczyk, replacing him with Michel Therrien(the former Habs coach), who created controversy immediately, by making Sidney Crosby the Assistant Captain, inticiting fury throughout the hockey world. Pundits saying he was “too young” and “lacked the experience”. Or in Don Cherry’s words “An 18-year-old kid says he's going to give us ideas. What, from the Quebec League, he's going to give them ideas? Come on. That's ridiculous.” While I can’t find the exact clip of Cherry saying that, he didn’t like Crosby, I guess because he was a young kid being hailed as “The Next One”, so have this clip of Cherry complaining about Crosby’s whining. Speaking of which: Crosby had a reputation of being a “cry baby” because he would complain to the refs about uncalled penalties. Granted he had his own dirty moves, but overall it seemed like it was primarily just him being mad about refs not calling obvious things.

• Lemieux's final goal came against the Montreal Canadiens, on November 11th, of 2005, after being hit in the eye by a High Stick, thankfully no blood was drawn and he came back to score on the resulting 5 on 3 Man Advantage. Mario went scoreless after that, announcing his retirement on January 24th of 2006, Lemieux had hoped to make one final comeback and help the Penguins out of a 12 game losing streak, but after learning of his irregular heartbeat and that he would need to take medication to control it, he decided it would be for the best for his health, if he retired again. He just couldn't keep up with a speedier NHL, he had slowed down due to all his injuries, sure he had still put up 22 points in 26 games(a pace anyone would be happy with), but he wasn't the same player he was years ago. The Penguins finished that season 22–46–14. Lemieux was quoted on his retirement as saying "I can no longer play at a level I was accustomed to in the past."
  
• Lemieux had tried to sell the team to Research in Motion Chairman(They made Blackberry) and Co-CEO Jim Balsillie, but Balsillie had pulled out at the last minute, due to a dispute over the purchasing conditions with the Board of Governors. Lemieux had initially refused to pay back Balsillie's deposit, due to breach of Contract.
  
• Lemieux later admitted Kansas City wasn't actually happening and he only visited there to put pressure on the city to build them a new arena(Consol Energy, later PPG Paints Arena)
  

The Captain

May 31st, 2007, the Penguins officially announce Sidney Crosby as the new Captain, shocking absolutely nobody. Why did it take so long? Well the Penguins offered him the Captaincy during the season, but he turned it down to focus on the season and their playoff push(which ended early, losing 4-1 to the Senators). At the time, he was the youngest Captain in NHL History, at 19 years, 9 months, and 24 days, eventually being beaten out by Gabriel Landeskog and Connor McDavid. The Captaincy was well earned, he was a big part of why the Penguins ended the playoff drought, sure the Penguins weren’t quite “The Fucking Penguins” yet, but they were getting there. Along with this, Sergei Gonchar Evgeni Malkin Ryan Malone Gary Roberts, were named Alternate Captains.

The Two-Headed Monster

Malkin finally entered the league in 2006, missing most of October with a shoulder injury, sustained from a collision with teammate John LeClair. He went on to make a name for himself pretty quick, scoring a goal in his first six games, a feat not achieved since Joe Malone in the 1917-18 season. His streak was snapped in game seven, when he was kept off the sheet by the Sharks. Crosby and Malkin had been nicknamed a “Two-Headed Monster”, due to how effective of a one-two punch they were. And let's face it, they are a two-headed monster, that's how they've won 3 cups.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSRiVAC4mUc (It’s highlights over music you can mute it)

Epilogue

Whether it’s Super Mario or Sid the Kid, both are incredible players and Pens fans are extremely lucky to have been able to grow up watching Lemieux play and then watch Crosby come into the league and dominate it in ways even Mario himself couldn’t have. The fact that Mario Lemieux was able to buy his team and save them from relocation or outright folding, cannot be understated how much hockey fans in the city respect him. The Penguins have always had their ups and downs, they’ve won 5 cups, they’ve been to the finals more times than most teams have even gotten past the second round. The Penguins right now may have their problems, but fans are just happy that they’re not Pirates levels of bad and get to watch one of the greatest players, continue to show why he was nicknamed "The Next One".
Mario Lemieux may not be the greatest owner in Sports, let alone the NHL(nobody is), but the man stuck to his guns. When the team that drafted him needed a new owner, he stepped up when they were down in the dumps, he put back on the uniform to save them, he mentored Crosby, he made sure that Pittsburgh would be home to the Penguins for decades to come. The man is a legend on and off the ice, in a time of players like Gretzky dominating the league, he came in and gave Gretzky a run for his money.

• Lemieux wasn't the only Penguins player to deal with Cancer, in fact Center John Cullen dealt with non-Hodgkin lymphoma, but unlike Mario his comeback was short lived(98-99), but he was awarded the Masterton Trophy that year for his comeback nonetheless.
  
• I cannot go without mentioning how Samuelson was The Goon. He hated Cam Neely and it showed every time they played each other. SB Nation's Beef History does a good job explaining it. But it pretty much made Pittsburgh and Boston instant rivals.
  

Inspired by recent topics & actual events. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. This post brought to you by COVID-19. COVID-19, when you don’t want to have to go out to look for a job that’s not available. COVID-19, speak to your medical provider today! (please stand 6ft away while doing so)
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For tax & legal purposes they’re based out of the fine city of Austin in the Free State of Texas, but REO Meatwagon has a major presence in Night City & has recently decided to increase their focus on it in order to try & boost their revenue stream in these trying times.
You see, the main issue that I, as a Referee, usually find in regards to using Trauma Team as a campaign hook is that they’re all a bunch of highly trained & skilled professionals of top-caliber quality w/ all the best toys & latest gizmos. My table of players…? Not so much. Bunny girl, guy w/ oversized soviet jackhammer arm, weirdo licking their Wolvers & smelling peoples hair while giggling, unemployed high-school shop teacher, Russian cyborg heavy lovingly hugging their autocannon, an elf who wants to be a dentist, the high anxiety computer nerd hiding in a dishwasher, & someone who is just here because they’re simply waiting for their next big break, which will be any day now, you should really hear their latest nouveau rockabilly vaporwave single & check out their InstaSpace pages & TwitchyFeed... Those? Those are not professionals. But they are REO Meatwagon material!
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The newly hired day-to-day acting CEO is James “Jimmy” Foole. James is a bright, young, rising star that got bounced from Militech after using an AV-9 squadron to strafe a children’s birthday party. Jimmy had reasonable intel that suggested that the entire party was covertly under attack by SovOil sponsored memetic warfare & that it was being used as a cover to launch an assassination attempt against Night City’s current Mayor, Erika Annabelle, who at the time had a personal protection contract w/ Militech. While no one knows it, Jimmy was right - evil clowns. Sadly, shooting at children is generally frowned on, even in 2020, & it made the nightly Network54+ news, as well as ScreamTweets & DataTerm™ feeds, so Jimmy was let go before being headhunted by Phink to drive Meatwagon into the ditch.
Jimmy, however, is not entirely on board or filled in on the specifics of Amanda’s plan or background embezzlement scheme. He firmly believes that he can turn the company around & tries to operate it as such while secretly being handicapped & sabotaged at every turn by Amanda & Dick. Jimmy’s left-hand woman & hardworking girl Friday is Carol in HR. Carol knows her shit. Carol has a Multi-Line Phone Splice, Dataterm™ Link, Cybermodem, TimeSquare Marquee+™, Secretarial Chipware, Human Perception, Interview, Library Search, & a law degree from Harvard.
REO Meatwagon operates much like Trauma Team - they have a fleet of flying medical AV busses crammed full of crazies w/ guns & at least one Licensed Practicing Nurse (LPN) on board as well as somebody who has a legal valid drivers license; though the autopilot usually does most of the heavy lifting. Then, when they get a call, they go in, they extract their consumer, & they ferry them to the nearest hospital, REO Meatwagon licensed facility, or authorized Body Bank, (as appropriate) while providing the consumer with “stabilizing medical care” during transport.
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A REO Meatwagon Basic Black Plan\* is €299 a month & guarantees service arrival within 10-minutes. Extra service charges & fees may apply at the time of services rendered & the consumer is responsible for any fuel, ammunition, medical goods, services, or personnel expenses incurred during extraction, transportation, & delivery.
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\All REO Meatwagon service contract plans do not include any additional charges arising or resulting from any property damage incurred while providing REO Meatwagon brand medical protective services to the consumer. Any property damages incurred are solely the responsibility of the consumer & REO Meatwagon waives all indemnity & liability while providing the aforementioned REO Meatwagon care & services to the consumer.*
REO Meatwagon, “Your safety is our priority, we won’t let any walls stand in our way!”
While Trauma Team is the top-tier world-class provider courting triple-A corp clientele w/ government contracts, REO Meatwagon is not so lucky. The average REO Meatwagon consumer is having a rough go of things. They’re down, out, destitute, & have nowhere else to turn. They’re the homeless nomadic transients sleeping out on the streets or shoving quarters into coffin motels just for a warm monofoam mattress that only slightly smells like spunk & Lysol. They're the gangers defending their homes while being baited into shootouts w/ corrupt cops looking for a taste. They're the small business owners being squeezed & terrorized by state-sponsored jackbooted thermoptic ninja accountant repo-men. Edgerunners whose fortunes have swiftly turned south from sudden yet inevitable betrayals by a Mr. Johnson in a dark dimly lit alleyway firefight at 2 am. The joyboys, girls, enbies, & exotics who had a seriously bad encounter with a jacked-up John or pissed of CyberPimp. The crooks, criminals, proles, plebes, & ‘punks that have the rest of worlds boot planted firmly on their neck. The single mother of two working three jobs trying to make ends meet. The average John & Jane Does just struggling to keep their heads above water in the modern fast-paced cybernetically-powered always-on nightmare-fueled hellworld of 2020. All those poor souls stuck Ridin' The Storm Out. They're also not so timely or great in regards to their outstanding payments. REO Meatwagon is constantly in the red financially & scraping to get by themselves. Having to secretly fund a vanity shoe line doesn’t help.
REO Meatwagon does not use AV-4’s. AV-4’s are cool. AV-4’s are expensive. Everybody uses AV-4’s. REO Meatwagon fields a fleet of AV-7’s manufactured by Toyota. These are cramped, poorly equipped, & have questionable safety features. Typically they're operated by a 4 man squad - Pilot, LPN, & 2 dedicated meat-shield bullet-sponge heavies. It’s a bonus if someone, like the Pilot, can work a Cybermodem w/ Controller Software, but it’s not vital since a heavy can usually kick in the door - though seeing through security cams & clearing traffic can prove to be useful. The AV-7 can seat up to 8 if 4 are willing to clip onto the outside & stand on the skids. Bit windy though. Cryotank/Passenger transport is under-mounted near the landing skids & armored to SP 35. Usually. They’re a little behind on the maintenance schedule in the motor pool.
Trauma Teams AV-4 busses may be faster flat out, but the AV-7’s smaller size lets the onboard 3 CPU Int 9 computer w/ pirated Vector Thrust Piloting Software at +10 maneuver the craft through cramped & narrow urban environments while Trauma Team’s larger AV-4 is still stuck back at main street level & crushing parked cars like the outmoded ED-209 dinosaur that its. It also sports a chin-mounted ceramic flechette AP autocannon, flashing light bar, loudspeakers, spot & strobe lights, homing micro-missiles, & tear gas grenades. She may not stand up to heavier craft or hardcore ‘Borg heads but she can still clear out a strip mall or small office park!
REO Meatwagon also has several (3, they have 3) AV-6’s in Night City. These are the heavy busses & real big boy toys. Faster than Trauma Team’s AV-4’s, these also hit harder, have an on-board 4 CPU Int 12 A.I. CompuSystem™, sport a Crew of up to 12 (16 if they’re really crammed in there), & have dual Cryotanks. Used for high priority consumers & major conflicts, these baby’s can kick butt & haul ass. Also typically staffed by the REO Meatwagon Crews least likely to shoot their own foot off. There may even be an actual doctor on board. Degree & everything.
REO Meatwagon Crews often engage in what is derogatorily referred to as “Meat Jumping.” Trauma Team typically has the exclusive contract (such as in Night City) to provide government-sponsored paramedical services to citizens, thus they are the ones who receive the 911 calls. However, consumers are free to choose their own medical transport provider & REO Meatwagon monitors emergency scanners & then attempts to contact the consumer first while entering into a recorded verbal contract agreement for any services rendered. Though you can always visit them online. They have an App. Check the ZetaTech store & try Library Searching for REOMeatAPP.
REO Meatwagon also issues emergency medic-alert transponders to their consumers, much like Trauma Team (Black requires manual operation while Gold & Platinum can also include vital sign monitors that are PhoneSplice & RadioLink compatible). Though see the above about being used as off-label police & mobile medical clinic.
REO Meatwagon probably fields more of these calls than they do legitimate medical services requiring emergency transport. Often these are simple domestic disputes but occasionally it’s a legit call from someone under an actual assault or in real distress. Typically REO Meatwagon Crew’s resolve the issue & then shoot the consumer up with Speedheal & Syncomp 15 drugs from an airhypo before charging them €200 for an on-site Clinic Vist, €1650 for the SpeedHeal, €650 for the Syncomp 15, €50 for Tracer Button usage, ammo, gas, & a €150 processing fee. Tipping is considered optional but is strongly encouraged. 15% is the standard for good service, you know. Tips are applied to the final bill & then dispersed equally to all craft Crew on their bi-weekly paychecks. Unless that is, it was cash under the table.
REO Meatwagon also engages in what is derogatorily referred to as “Meat Scooping” or “Vulturing”. This is when a pack of REO Meatwagon AV-7’s swoop in after a conflict in an attempt to harvest the bodies of unclaimed victims for Body Bank Bounties. After claiming a Bounty REO Meatwagon attempts to contact the victims next of kin or legal representatives to return the Bounty, minus a 20% transport & processing fee for their services, they then write off the rest of the returned Bounty as a charitable tax donation. They keep any unclaimed Bounties in an interest accruing escrow account for 12-18 months before “releasing the funds” if left unclaimed. REO Meatwagon Employees & Contractors earn a 10% commission on all Body Bank Bounties turned in.
REO Meatwagon attempts to fully comply with all law enforcement officials & any legally issued lawful demands. If a consumer is engaged in a dispute with law enforcement officers, or other duly authorized corporate security entity, REO Meatwagon representatives & troubleshooters will make an attempt to speak to the consumer first to have them de-escalate & cease hostilities long enough for them to be extracted & safely escorted to medical facilities, but once engaged in a legally binding medical consumer transport contract REO Meatwagon agents are fully authorized to use force to extract their consumer & transport them safely to authorized medical facilities where law enforcement, or other duly authorized corporate security entities, may then contact the consumer about any further inquiries that they have.
REO Meatwagon has a fully staffed medical & surgical facility located in downtown Night City in the remodeled Sofa Queen & China King complex - you can barely tell it was once a furniture store & Chinese restaurant. They also have the best cybernetic surgical suites & cloning facilities that the lowest overseas bidder can provide! They’re also fully staffed with the brightest bunch of fresh C grade medical & technical graduates from the midwest, as well as imported internationally, that can be legally brought in according to NorCal law! They can provide full hospital & surgical services, cybernetic implantation, cosmetic surgery, body banking, boutique services, as well as have on-site staffing barracks, day-care, employee lounge facilities, commissary, & they can grow people in their basement.
REO Meatwagon additionally has satellite facilities located in key spots near (or in) the Combat Zone as well as scattered throughout the ‘burbs. These facilities are large enough to store & refuel a few AV-7’s as well as serve as walk-in Medical Clinic, provide boutique services, & include a small on-site barracks w/ limited stock employee lounge.
REO Meatwagon main offices also have a 5 CPU Int 15 EBM Mainframe running a Mr. M.D.™ A.I., S.H.O.D.A.N. drone management, Phoenix Right Legal Advice™, & TurboTax software. The AV-7’s are all connected to the Net via Cell Service so Mr. M.D.™ can use S.H.O.D.A.N. to coordinate the busses as well as provide backup medical assistance or legal advice to on-site troubleshooters if required. Mr. M.D.™ only occasionally gets stuck in a loop popping virtual Vicodin & thinking that it's lupus before needing a swift reboot to the processor to get Back On The Road Again.
REO Meatwagon Employment is open to any legal citizen with a valid SIN. Those with a Class V Vector Craft operators license can fly the bus - It’s an Easy (10) Piloting Task to pass the drivers test, though navigating the Night City DMV may prove more difficult. Talk to Carol. Certified LPN’s are qualified to be on-board medics - That usually requires an Average (15) First-Aid Task & a 12-month online NCU course. Regular hourly employees can make €12-14 an hour depending on skillset while Drivers & Nurses can make €15-18 depending on qualifications. There is a €1.50 shift differential for Graveyard & an extra €1 pay increase after 90 days w/ annual yearly evaluations & COLA increases scheduled for all Employees & Contractors. Hazard Pay for Active Combat Situations (ACS's) are paid out in half-hour blocks at time & a half. They also provide full medical & dental for employees & their spouses as well as up to 4 dependent children, clones, or uplifted hyper-intelligent cyberpets. Plus, employees can earn up to 6 weeks of PTO accruable per year & REO Meatwagon can provide tuition reimbursement & course credits for any applicable on-the-job training. Talk to Carol in HR for the specifics. OT is available NOW!
REO Meatwagon also employs freelance contractors. These contractors must sign liability waivers, nondisclosure agreements, a 12-month non-compete contract, as well as provide REO Meatwagon w/ a current fingerprint, voice print, retinal print, & “biological sample” for “identification” & “medical” purposes. They are not required to be legal citizens nor hold SINs. REO Meatwagon pays contractors at the same rate as regular employees. Contractors, however, are not eligible to earn benefits. Contractors may be paid in REOMeatCoin (which may be used to purchase any REOMeatwagon branded product, including legal cyberware & installation, as well as goods purchased from the REOMeatwagon Vending Machines & Commissary) or regular debit account CredChip. Employees can also choose to receive REOMeatCoin which occasionally provides discounts on select REOMeatwagon brand goods & services. Paychecks are issued bi-weekly. Talk to Carol for more details or how to set up a direct deposit.
REO Meatwagon provides its field troubleshooters company issued dark red SP14 Uniwear Jumpsuits w/ a -1 EV Penalty & emblazoned w/ the REO Meatwagon company logo, a Company issued I.D. containing an IFF transponder & RFID chip w/ company keys, as well as a SP20 nylon "Gianni" combat helmet w/ Anti-Flare Transpari-Shield™ Technology & Breath Filter, IFF receiver, UV w/ Spotlight, Thermal, Image Enhancement, Automapper™, Chipjack, E-book connector plugs, side-mounted Digital A/V Recorder, & Scrambled Radio Link back to the AV-7. There is also a Toolbelt, Flashlight, McCoy Airhypo, Medkit, ZetaTech E-book, Militech Electronics Taser, Flashbang, Tear Gas canister, a Militech Arms Avenger pistol w/ 2 spare clips, & holster.
REO Meatwagon AV-7 busses include a €30k on-board computer w/ VehicleLink & is loaded with Biology, Cryotank Operation, Diagnose, Pharmaceutical, Pilot Vector Thrust, & Rifle software at +10. They also have Radio & Cell Communications suite w/ Wide Band Scanner, a Surgical Set, Portable Intern, Drug Analyzer, Travel Kit, box of Slap Patches, economy pack of SpeedHeal & Synthacomp 15, 4 pints of Blood Substitute™, pack of RapiDetox, box of Trauma 1, other funny colored drugs, a couple of cans of Spray Skin & Shower In A Can, a DermaStapler, LPU™, collapsable stretcher, prybar, 20-ton hydraulic jack, small 1-2 man battering ram, heavy-gauge bolt cutters, Thermite-In-A-Tube, box of Road Flares & Safety Markers, Tech Tool Kit, 1 container of assorted bungee cords & roll of duct tape, Microwaver, Sternmeyer Stakeout w/ 10 spare rounds, 4 extra Flashbangs & Tear Gas canisters, & 4 Militech Ronin Light Assault rifles w/ carry strap, uniform clip, & 2 spare clip each.
REO Meatwagon Employees & Contractors are also free to supplement their work equipment w/ anything legal they feel like bringing in. Please do not use your cellphone while at work. If this becomes a problem you will all have to leave your phones in your lockers while out on patrol. Thank You & Keep Pushin’ - the MGT
REO Meatwagon Employees or Contractors wishing to be in it for the long haul can also sign up for REO Meatwagon Premiere Employment. This includes a 10k sign-on bonus as well as FREE REO Meatwagon brand implanted Tracking Monitor & Skin Watch! Contractors must also choose from either a Paste™ brand Cortex Bomb or Biotechnica brand NeuroToxin Release Sacs. If employment is terminated within the first 24 months the Employee or Contractor must return the sign-on bonus prorated at €420 per month of employment.
REO Meatwagon routinely screens all of its Employees & Contractors for any illicit drug or cyberware usage at least once every 12-24 months while providing employees & contractors ample written notice of any upcoming compliance checks. Failure results in a sternly worded written reprimand & asking the Employee or Contractor to please remove any offending illegal contraband from REO Meatwagon property or premises. If an Employee or Contractor earns two or three more written reprimands Carol in HR may have to contact NCPD over the illegal contraband & no one really wants that.
Thank you for your compliance & welcome to the REO Meatwagon Crew!
TLDR: Roll With The Changes.
REO Meatwagon, "We'll get you out in one piece or retrieve as many of them as we can find! That's the REO Meatwagon service guarantee!"

Welcome to the 80th [Lets Build]!
TOPIC: Interesting Dungeon Encounters

Die Roll	Result
1	Under a loose bit of cobblestone on the ground, you see what appears to be a small tunnel. If you reach inside or stick around too long, a living crawling hand jumps out of the hole and attacks. This living hand has been hoarding rings and jewelry in this tunnel.
2	The group finds a long forgotten coin hoard. All is not as it seems, some of the coins are tiny-sized mimics (maybe individuals, maybe swarms), that adhere to and attack those that try to gather the treasure.
3	A crumbling wall with a small tunnel bore through its base hides the resting room for a peaceful Goblin who knows the dungeon well and will give directions or hints in trade for an interesting item.
4	A series of really, staggeringly obvious traps. There's a tripwire that's made of thick hemp rope, a wooden pressure plate set in the middle of a cobblestone path, a dark path with a torch set right at the beginning (the torch is crudely attached to a lever on the wall).
5	The ceiling is completely covered with horrid insects - dark, silent and unseen except for the occasional masonry dust they knock loose.
6	Around a corner, you hear clucking. There's a chicken in the dungeon? You're three levels down. Shrug: maybe it's just random. But every three rooms or so, there's another one, just a chicken walking around and pecking at the dirt. Then you get to a region where there aren't any chickens. That's when shit gets real. Because the chickens are a food source.
7	A dead end - The tunnel the party is walking down has them run headlong into a Giant!! Well, the upper torso of the giant. He's not hostile and is pinned in place by the surrounding walls as he was chasing dinner down a hole and has wiggled himself into this tunnel, blocking any forward movement. If the party attacks him, he will yell and cry, "Stop it, please!" and be overly pathetic, but with his arms pinned at his sides, they will likely kill him in time (suggest higher hit points than normal so the party has to take their time). If they chat with him, he knows a bit about the surrounding rooms as he's seen creatures moving through the halls and possibly former adventurers. His name is Gordum, and he's really hungry as he hasn't eaten in a very long time. Normally, adventurers take pity on him and feed him while they make their way through the dungeon, but the real reason he stays stuck here is a ring of sustenance that he found years ago and pull on "cause it was shiny." If he's friendly, he offers to watch over the party while they sleep and promises to warn them if anyone else comes down the hallway.
8	A rune trap curses you so that you can't refuse a request. (Requires the word please to count as a request).
9	A dragon's cave? - This room is 60 feet (18 Meters) across, and nearly as high, with small pools of water that collect in natural erosions to the west side where an underground stream has formed a small waterfall. The water is chilled and safe, even if it tastes earthy and heavy with minerals. As the group moves into the cave, they likely notice coins littering the edges of the room in small piles and an outcropping halfway up on the east wall... with a snoring, smoking dragon's head. If the party is quiet, they can sneak through, but any attacks or loud noise wake and do not harm the dragon. It lets out a massive burst of fire over the heads of the group and yells curses as it waves around. Once it finishes, it demands tribute from the group or it will eat them!! In reality, the head and neck are a permanent illusion that was placed in the area to scare off adventurers by a mage who was practicing some new defenses for his study, and a fairy dragon has worked out how to control the illusion and get it to move when he wants. He uses magic to project his voice and sound like a great dragon, and can use a rune placed as part of the illusion to fire a cone of fire 3 times a day that does damage as an ancient dragon. The Fairy Dragon living in a small opening that's only accessible at the top of the dome ceiling with a meter (2.5 foot) opening that one would need to fly to or us other means. Any tribute that's left is floated to his home when the adventurers move on and kept there, or discarded around the ground to add to his greatness. (If characters can get to his cave, he should have 2-3 magical items of some note). The little guy has really done well duping people over the years.
10	A dire warning - Moving through this hall, the characters torchlight will cast light through a red ruby the size of an eye that's been carved to catch and cast the light around the room. If there's no light, the ruby isn't found. The light through the ruby displaces words in 5-6 directions saying "The Stone of Anolox." A group also notices a warning on the wall, one painted with blood and another carved with what must be someone's finger nails saying - "Do not, by any means, touch that gem!" Anyone who picks up the gem, well, except Anolox, is immediately disintegrated and their ash fills the tunnel.
11	A door painted onto a wall with two door knobs sticking out, one labeled "fame" the other "fortune". Touching fame will turn you as blue as a smurf, only reversible by a wish. Fortune will cause 10,000 cp to fall from the ceiling at great speed causing heavy damage.
12	Bad Directions - A series of alcoves with a skeleton set to perch in each of them. Each is placed alternating up the hallway at 20 ft (6.5 Meter) segments. The first points down the hallway, the next at the floor, and the next straight up, and so on. Every time the party moves past the skeletons, they point a different direction, and it changes every time.
13	Morbid Statuary - A massive room filled with people frozen in time, and in stone. Like creepy stalagmites, hundreds of humanoid statues point up from the ground. One looks like a prince leaning in to kiss a sleeping princess, another is a goblin throwing its hands in the air in panic, and another a cautious knight stalking in his armor. The place looks like a repository for the victims of a gorgon, hopefully long gone.
14	Help us Heroes! - The group comes across an small village that spreads out in a crevace in the wall and stretches for hundreds of feet, but where the ceiling is never more than 4 feet high. This is a village of Myconids that have lived here peacefully "since the time of our first spores" and numbers in the thousands. They beg the party to help them as there is a murdered in the midst. Every day, more and more of their people go missing, and they can't find the culprit. If they are helped, they will give the party pearls that they collect from nearby shellfish and have saved for years. (The murderer is a kobold with a ring of invisibility and a strange mask to keep from falling to the creatures spores. He REALLY loves cooked mushrooms and has been harvesting the myconids for dinner since finding the village).
15	Welcome Matt - The group comes to a door rigged with a number of traps. A line at the top that pulls something above the door if it's opened, a pressure plate that's released from the bottom if the door is opened, poison darts that fire from the wall behind it, the works! All the traps are fairly easy to spot and disarm, and there are 6 total. An exceeding high perception check is needed to hear that there's a small click after each trap is set off or disarmed. Once all six have been triggered, the real trap occurs. The walls 30 feet to either side of the door slam into the ceiling (these are 10ft cubes). At the same time, the floor drops out under the door at a steep angle to a smooth shoot, and the walls start moving in. While it looked like there was something behind the door, it leads no where but a series of mirrors that look like a nearly endless hallway, and with the walls closing in, the only way is down. Those characters that do slide down are eventually deposited into a large cage where a robed figure covered in bandages whips around and screams, "Happy Birthday Matt!" He's then disappointed that you and yours are not Matt. After muttering to himself for a while, he eventually apologizes for the "trap" and releases the group, showing them to a set of stairs that head back to the tunnel. They don't run into this encounter again.
16	Poor soul- you find a skeleton chained to the wall. When you approach, you realize it is an undead. He is scared when you approach and explains that he was trapped here and was brought back from death to continue his torment. Who put him there is up to the dm. Also whether or not he is lying is up to you.
17	The room nullifies any sounds made, players must communicate entirely through gestures OOC.
18	The door opens up into a mirror dimension flipped horizontally, any and all actions taken are performed by the doubles on the other side, including stepping through the doorway. If a PC attempts to talk they are interrupted by themselves.
19	The party walks down a hallway which and comes across an opening on one side leading into a large open room. Stepping on a trap in the middle of the open room causes the door to shut and the ceiling to begin to collapse - but only as long as one member of the party is still in the first hallway. That party member can disarm the trap, opening the door and raising the ceiling by finding a recess on the wall in the hallway with a switch in it. If they fail a roll on the first attempt they only manage to stick their hand through a hole into the room and have to search for a second recess.
20	A large pit, filled at the bottom with spikes and scorpions. A sign is just visible on one side of the pit. A successful perception check, or a party member being dangled by their feet, can detect that the sign is upside down and says "LEARN THE WORDS".
21	The skeletal remains of a man can also bee seen at the bottom of the pit, still wearing black pants, suspenders, a shirt with horizontal black and white stripes, white gloves, and with a black beret perched atop its bleached skull.
22	A gnome sorcerer with short term memory has been trying to find this dungeons hoard for the last 10 years, but keeps forgetting which way he came from.
23	A large banquet hall, with pewter utensils, earthenware plates, and fine food. The walls are draped in common but warm furs, and the table is lit with some nice candelabras (2gp each). There are 2x(Party Size) seats at the table, and at the head is a stout, ruddy faced bearded earl who warmly beckons to the party. "Welcome," he he says, voice booming, "our other guests are almost here. Please, sit down." Seat the most interesting mix of NPCs, Villains, and historical figures at the table. The banquet quests are compelled to not make any hostile action in the room. The non-party guests are returned to whatever place and time they were in before the meal.
24	A merchant adventurer (CR party level+1, true neutral alignment) has set up a table, chairs, and all manner of interesting equipment to sell to whomever happens to wander by.
25	A wandering mycologist is looking for the weirdest mushrooms that you can find for their latest thesis/monograph. Not only will he pay (not much) for any mushrooms you can help him find, but you'll get a mention in his paper! Think of the exposure! All the biggest mycologists in the region will be talking about this.
26	In a this room, there is a dividing wall with a doorway. On this dividing wall are a series of colorful masks. Around the dividing wall appears to be a large wooden table with 10 chairs, 8 of them already filled with large creatures (a mix of monsters and/or adventurers in any combination) playing Texas hold'em poker for coin and valuables. No one is talking. Any players at the table who notice you will stop, stare, and point silently to the masks. Any two party members who wear the masks can join the game.
27	The party walks in on a group of hostile hobgoblins in the middle of them practicing their synchronized dance routine. After one round of surprised embarrassment, they will attack unless the players either start playing music or challenge them to a dance off.
28	This room contains a hole with a wooden bucket on a string suspended over a large, clear pool of water. The bucket hangs down through a circular hole in the ceiling, leading up to a well. As the player's approach, a coin falls down the hole, and a distant voice calls: "Magical well, I seek thy wisdom!".
29	This room is round, with a concave floor. Three large, metal spinning tops whirl magically around and around, bashing into each other seemingly at random. On a balcony wrapping around the room are three goblin shamans, engaging in their favorite pastime, BattleTop. Each controls the tops with a small, delicate handheld contraption. The tops will cease spinning if the contraption is broken, or if they leave the room for more than 1d4 days.
30	This area of the dungeon appears to be under construction. Goblin work crews and ogre haulers are lead by hobgoblin foremen, building out new rooms and defenses according to blueprints lying unprotected on a table off to the side momentarily forgotten.
31	Three nothics sit, pouring over old tomes and scrolls, lit by blue crystals scattered on a pedestal. On the wall, a giant, engraved flaming eye is engraved. Staring at the carving of the eye for any significant length of time (DM's discretion, but at least a few minutes) grants advantage on wisdom checks until the player's next long rest. The player feels compelled to be unable to rest for the next two days, and is exhausted on the third day.
32	Carved on the wall in code are the letters...H-A-S-T-U-R. If deciphered and spoken aloud, then whosoever speaks the name of this horrid Elder God, HIM WHO IS NOT TO BE NAMED must make a saving throw against magic or a Byhakhee will be gated in and attack (or the PC may go insane?).
33	You walk into the next chamber and find a stone statue of a man reaching for a gold ring on a pedestal. The ring, when worn for at least 1 day, gives you +1 to all saving throws for each day it has been worn for up to a week, but if you take it off you suffer the inverse of that bonus for as long as you had it on. You can't sell the ring. Putting the ring on the man's finger will restore him from stone, at which point he reveals this ring was the result of a transmutation spell going horribly wrong. He gives you a level appropriate large sum of gold for releasing him and goes off on his merry way.
34	The ceiling of the dungeon tunnel has partially collapsed down, making it very difficult to get past. Characters would have to strip off any medium or heavier armor and backpacks to crawl past it. Investigating it more reveals some furniture at the top of the rubble near the ceiling, indicating a room above, but investigating it will probably complete the collapse and prevent further exploration down the tunnel.
35	A several story deep library attended to by a seemingly human librarian that doesn't know his library is deep in an underground dungeon. The stacks are littered with skeletons of all shapes and sizes but it doesn't seem to bother the attendant. Now that you mention it, it has been a few years since he's had anyone visit. That is, of course, anyone besides the necromancer that comes by every so often. - defeating the necromancer and his skeletons allows you access to the library. It contains a bunch of spell books for the wizards in your party, some defensive magical items, a moderate stash of gold, and a heap of baubles and nearly insignificant magical items.
36	An undead, but coherrent, merchant runs a small item shop in the depths of the dungeon. The shopkeep is a little mad, but seems content to run a shop with average or slightly below average prices on basic goods (maybe a few rarities at DM's discretion.) The Merchant seems disinterested in the world beyond the room their shop is located in, and if pressed seems to think they're getting new supplies in once a week. Will react accordingly if the PCs attempt to cheat or steal from them.
37	An archway has been heavily barricaded and the area around it has sign postings in the language of the dungeon's inhabitants with stern warning to stay away. Skittering can be heard from within. Inside is a wing of the dungeon containing a burrow having broken through the wall and an infestation of subterranean creatures of the DM's choice. (Possibly of a high CR to make this optional wing and its loot a real challenge to the PCs)
38	A patch of wall indiscernible from the rest of the dungeon except for the incredibly soft quality of the stone. A small alcove containing a slightly inhuman skeleton is on the other side.
39	A room that has no gravity.
40	A crack in the floor that constantly streams out a thin wisp of smoke. It smells of honey.
41	A docile monster that is permanently invisible.
42	A room with a large central pool in which an elemental lives, protecting a powerful artifact.
43	The ghost of an adventurer that became lost in the dungeon years ago.
44	Foolish forebears- Ghosts of an adventuring party that died there long ago. They re-enact the the moments leading up to their deaths with no notice of the players. They can help lead them through the dungeon, and even offer information the players don't know. Eventually though they will lead the party into a trap or deadly encounter
45	Nuka skeletons- A room with the charred skeletons of dead adventurers. The walls are burnt black with the only thing juxtaposing it being the perfect white silhouettes of their final moments. When the player's backs are turned the silhouettes move, and begin attacking the players. The skeletons get up, and their burnt black bones come alive with fiery cracks not dissimilar to embers left in the bottom of a bonfire.
46	Murder mystery spectacular-A doorway that leads into a well set dining room has an instant kill trap thst extracts people's souls from their bodies. They now have to act as ghosts in a murder mystery dinner party, and can get back in their bodies once they have helped solve the mystery. They are unable to communicate with anyone directly, but they can "haunt" things to send messages.
47	Arachnid ally-A spider living in an old shoe offers information to adventurers for a modest fee. She can offer shortcuts, intel, and hidden passages
48	Pilfering party-Another adventuring party has been stealthily following the party, and plan to jump them in the treasure room.
49	No blinking!- As soon as the players step into this room the door locks behind them. The room is mostly normal with the exception that one wall has the words "no blinking!" Written out in huge letters. If the players blink they see where the key is hidden, but only for a split second.
50	A room filled with artifacts such as gems, ancient pots, weapons. Some are on pedestals but most are scattered on the floor as if someone has ransacked it but left everything inside. A small, golden statue of a dragon lies smashed by an empty pedestal, and at the end is a locked door with no keyhole. A large mirror leans against the wall on the left of the path. Reflected in it is the room, but with everything carefully arranged and the dragon statue unbroken on the pedestal. If the players attempt to steal anything, the pathway they came through liquidates and melts, across, trapping anyone inside the room and crushing anyone in the hall, until it is placed back where it was found. If the room is arranged like in the mirror, including mending the dragon statue, the door at the end slides open.
51	A hole in the wall, about the height of human shoulders. There is something shiny on the deep end of the hole, however to reach that, you would have to reach inside, and it's deep enough to swallow your arm up he shoulder. If you reach inside, something bites you, causing 1d4 piercing damage. If you reach inside again, nothing bites you and you are free to take the shiny thing. It's a single goldpiece.
52	An old gnome is sat on a barrel smoking a pipe in a corridor of the dungeon, where the path splits into two. He gives the players a pleasant smile, and starts chatting about the draught. If they ask about how he came to be there at gives a vague answer about knocking the area well and directs them down left corridor, promising it's worth their while. If they do they find a backpack filled with old treasure worth 30gp and the skeleton of a gnome lying beside it. If they go back, the old gnome is gone without a trace.
53	A large disk floats rotating, a few inches from the circular walls of the room. Through the cracks you can see a deep chasm. At even spaces around the walls there are open and empty tombs, each with a seal floating above it. If the players all venture into the disk it will activate and spin violently, using its centrifugal force to push the players into the tombs or the entrance or exit.
54	The ghost of the now crumbling manor is not pleased that some adventures are taking his stuff, but instead of attacking, he tries to find some middle ground with the group so he can be left in peace.
55	In front of the party is a large stone door, possibly of gnomish construction that is covered in thin grooves that seem to make out a labyrinthine maze. In the middle is large ruby red gem that, when touched, shrinks the party and puts them somewhere random inside of it. In order to re-enlarge themselves and exit the labyrinth (thus opening the door) they must find their way back to the gem that now looms menacingly overhead while dodging mechanical spiders and tiny traps.
56	A tiny telepathic spider offers to show them to a secret shortcut to the end of the dungeon. When followed a phase spider ambushes the party and thanks its child for bringing home dinner
57	A room with magical darkness cast upon it hides important clues, but the only thing that can dispel the darkness is a living chandelier over the player's heads. The only problem is that the chandelier can feel pain and doesn't want to be lit on fire. The party can try to convince the chandelier to let them light it or light it forcefully. If the latter then it screams bloody murder attracting any nearby enemies.
58	In a completely filled treasure room a single sentient gold coin waits to liberate it's brothers and sisters. As soon as the player's backs are turned the gold coin begins animating 2d20 gold pieces a turn and they all make a break for it.
59	In a large empty circular room in the middle of a tower is a flower surrounded by a ring of fur. If the flower is pulled the room shifts downward a few feet if the fur is ripped out it goes up a few feet. As soon as one is taken. It regrows as fast as it was pulled until it reaches the top or bottom level.
60	At a junction of hallways, the players notice one hallway has a slight breeze accompanied by a slow, rhythmic wheezing. The air is slightly warm and has an acrid smell. If they seek out the source, it leads to an abandoned forge with an enormous billows. An enchantment keeps the forge warm, like a magical pilot light. The late forgemaster's bones sit hunched at a workbench with various mechanical drawings. There are various trinkets around the room, some magical, some mundane. If the players take any of the items, they are attacked by a previously dormant construct that was sitting under a cloth in the corner of the room.
61	The players begin to smell a faint scent of baking bread. Is it delirium, or does someone live down here? Bonus! The smell of baking bread is soon joined by the smell of roasting meat. If the players seek out the source of the smell, they find a crack in the wall that leads to an ancient banquet hall, inexplicably laid out with a feast.
62	The party finds a door, barred and barricaded. If cleared, the door appears to have been hastily welded shut by pouring molten metal around the edges, and requires a strength check to open. (or some industrious chiseling) When opened, the doorway opens into a void, scattered with stars. The party may step through, and they walk on an invisible surface even with the floor of the dungeon. Who knows what could be found in this strange realm?
63	A room lined with standing alcoves. The alcoves are inhabited by a body encased in (magical) crystal. A knowledge history check can date the bodies to various eras of history. Near a collection of empty alcoves is a body bearing an item of only recent styling, invention, or popularity.
64	A barren room with a standing mirror at one end. The mirror is cracked, it appears someone took an axe or sword to it some time ago, but the magical runes around it's edge still flicker faintly with power.
65	A room that appears to be a shrine of some kind. It contains a 10 ft wide, 3 ft deep circular pool in it's center. In the pool, there is a duck. The duck resists all attempts to discern it's nature, for all intents and purposes, it appears as an ordinary duck. The duck is docile and is content to do regular duck things. If, at any point, a member of the party says "I wish..." within 5 feet of the duck, it quacks, grants the wish, and disappears in a suitably appropriate and silly display.
66	The dungeon is very cramped, smaller than usual hallways, doors just tall enough to fit through, etc. At the bottom of the dungeon is a large, cavernous chamber containing an enormous monster. Upon inspection, the chamber appears to be a sort of colosseum. The monster may be dead, undead, or alive, and may be immediately aggressive, or just want a friend. It has no understanding of how it got there.
67	You come across an adventureadventurer party that has been magically bounded to a room so they can’t leave the area.
68	There seems to be a weird hole in the wall that is pitch black. It doesn’t seem to have good magic or evil magic, in matter of fact, there is no magic coming from it. If an object is thrown into it, it shoots straight back dealing 1 damage. If a PC tries to get close, it automatically seals and reopens when no one is within 5 feet.
69	When you enter the dungeon, after clearing the first few rooms of traps, you realize that the homeless had already cleared out the area and is now using it as a place to live and sleep in, they say it’s better than sleeping in the streets.
70	The room is raining?
71	You come across a nice looking devil statue in the middle of a room, after a DC 20 (Investigation) check, it turns out there is a button in its mouth, when pressed, the mouth closes shut dealing 2d4 piercing damage and you can see blood dissolving as it leaves your skin. After 10 seconds it reopens and the statue turns into an imp, this imp now serves under the PC that put their hand in the mouth.
72	A reverse pit trap; a reverse gravity rune with the pit above instead of below.
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List Contributors: u/dndspeak, u/WeirdEidolon, u/Orphillius, u/ceilius, u/felagund, u/Maganus, u/Morgarath-Deathcript, u/Bigmax111, u/b44l, u/kandoras, u/kandoras, u/Minopug, u/shushtring, u/Touristupdatenola, u/Graymaven, u/Paranatural, u/Flutterwander, u/eekbarbadurkle00, u/ThatRandomWizard, u/unity57643, u/RetepWorm, u/Anysnackwilldo, u/KeenanAXQuinn, u/forgoten_mad_man, u/unity57643, u/FullplateHero, u/SoullessFace